Category Archives: Jenny 3

Jenny 3

Jenny II

By Chantie
For Sor

Note: This story is unfinished and parts are missing. But I gave up…

A cold January morning. Per lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. It was only eight o’clock and he didn’t have to get up early today. But he was wide awake and unable to get back to sleep. He heard Åsa and Gabriel whispering in the hall, passing his room on tiptoes, giggling.

It was his birthday.

She woke up around eleven. First thought: thirsty. Need water. Head ache. She took a few deep breaths and then turned around. Reached for the glass of water on the nightstand without opening her eyes. She finished the whole glass and fell back onto the pillow out of breath. She coughed. Damned cigarettes. I will never drink again and I will quit smoking. Today.

Åsa came to the bedroom around nine. He watched her sneaking into the still dark room.
“Morning.” He grumbled. She nearly jumped, holding a hand on her heart.
“Good morning… my God you scared me. I had no idea you were awake!” she said and approached the bed. She sat down beside him and kissed his forehead.
“Happy birthday.” She stated with a sarcastic smile. Per frowned and turned his head.
“Yeah yeah…”
“Are you coming down? Gabriel made you breakfast!” she said and left the room.

The rest of the morning was lazy and slow. Jenny spent most of her time on the hotel bed with her laptop. She wrote. Since a couple of months, she had a job as a columnist in a Dutch magazine for women. What she wrote was sometimes fiction, sometimes reality, but in general the view of a woman on today’s world. This time, she wrote about headaches and hangovers and strange half memories of the night before. She remembered kissing a guy but she wasn’t sure which one…

Her phone rang when she was in the middle of writing and she hesitated to pick it up. First, she couldn’t find it and her voicemail took the call. Then it rang again and she picked it up, hanging upside down from the side of the bed. It was Mike, who worked in the bar she usually went to.

“Hey cocktail girl!”
“Hey there, how are you?”
“I’m fine, great, you? Hung over?” he said with a giggle.
“Yeah yeah… what’s up?
“Do you know what day it is today?” he came to the point. Jenny was silent for a moment, thinking.
“Hahaha. Yes, that too.”
“Uhm… it’s… the twelfth?”
“Uhuh. And what’s on the twelfth of January?” he said, getting anxious. She didn’t reply.
“Jen! What the hell! We’re having our anniversary today you moron!” Mike almost screamed into the phone.
“A-anniversary?” she stuttered. It had hit her instantly. Not what Mike said, but the date. It was the twelfth of January.

Today it was one year ago that she’d moved to Malibu, California.

At ten in the evening, Per’s party was well on it’s way. After a couple of glasses of wine, the whole day seemed less horrible to him. He was standing next to Åsa who was talking to a couple of their best friends. He looked at her ass in the satin black pants she was wearing. His hand trailed along her lower back, over her ass. She pushed his hand away and at the same moment, he felt something buzz in the pocket of his jeans…

Her heart was hammering in the back of her throat and pounding in her chest. The room was now an even bigger mess; paper and clothes and stuff scattered everywhere. It had taken some time, but then she found what she had been looking for. She’d ignored the rules, ignored the plans, the alarm bells, everything. And she’d dialled his number.

“I-it’s Jenny. Happy birthday.”
“Jenny…? Oh! Jenny! Oh! Hi!” he said, confused. Jenny laughed nervously.
“Hi! Listen, I know it’s been ages and… a lot of things were said and stuff, but I just wanted to wish you happy birthday.” She stumbled. She heard Per grin.
“Thank you very much, this is really a big surprise. I have no idea what to say…”
“Are you having a party?” she asked just to say something.
“Yeah, there are a lot of people here at the moment. I’m standing in the hall, it’s crowded in the living room.”
“And how does it feel to be forty-nine?” she said with a giggle. Per sighed.
“Oh please don’t say it out loud…” he mumbled.
“Oh come on, it’s not that bad…”
“That’s easy for you to say!”
“Mhm I guess you’re right, hehehe. So, uhm, yeah… you’d better go back to your party…”
“Yes I should.”
“So goodbye then. Have fun.”
“Yeah. Uhm, Jenny?”
“One thing. Did you… have you ever, uhm, thought about me?” he whispered. He meant, in the past years.
“Every day.” She replied instantly. Per swallowed.
“Now, go and party. I have to go.”

Per sat straight up in bed. His heart was thundering in his chest and his face was covered in cold sweat. He glanced at the alarm clock; it was almost four in the morning. He still felt dizzy from the alcohol. He sneaked out of bed and went to the bathroom. When he got back, he saw that Åsa had turned to her other side.

“Are you ok?” she whispered when he got back to bed.
“Yes, fine.” He replied softly. He shivered under the covers and turned to his side, his back to her.

“Mmmgpfrrrrr…” Mike grumbled and groaned. He was lying on his belly, on a towel on the beach. Jenny was sitting on top of him and was massaging his shoulders. He was tense and stressed and she was trying to get the knots out of his neck.

“Does it hurt?” Jenny said close to his ear. Mike mumbled something. She kissed beside his ear softly and went on kneading his muscles.

“Oh that didn’t hurt.” He mumbled.
“What, this?” she said and kissed his cheek again. He turned his head and then slowly turned around his whole body, Jenny still on top.

“Hey, I wasn’t finished yet!”
“Finished? I’m just starting!” Mike said with a wide grin. He pulled her down to him and kissed her. He tasted salty like the sea and his stubble was rough against her skin. His fingers trailed along the line of her bikini top.

“Ay! Don’t!” Jenny said into his mouth. Mike moaned and pushed his hips up into hers.
“Don’t you ever get enough?!” she whispered to him, the memories of their afternoon-lovemaking still vivid on her mind. It was now around seven in the evening and they were enjoying the last bit of sun on an almost empty beach.

“I never get enough of you, you know that Jen.” He said and smiled at her, pushing some hair out of her face. He looked sweet and Jenny suddenly felt a jolt in her belly. Mike was not her boyfriend, and she was not his girlfriend. That’s what they always told everyone, and each other. They had a fling, it just lasted longer than normally… it was now lasting almost six months and it was getting quite confusing. Jenny was sure she was not in love with him. She loved him, but not in an I-want-to-spend-my-life-with-you-way. She wasn’t too sure about Mike though. He was the typical bartender; very cute, in perfect shape, tanned, charming… and she knew he had slept with about every cute girl in town. Which, on the other hand, wasn’t that much. Most inhabitants of Malibu where out of his league; Mike was 25 and the average age in Malibu was 42…

Jenny pressed her hips down on him and moved back and forth a little bit. Mike moaned and she felt him grin against her mouth.

“Mmmmm… what time is it…” he mumbled. Jenny glanced at her watch.
“Seven-ish. You have to hurry.” She said. Mike’s shift at the bar started at eight and he had to shower and change his clothes before that. He sighed.

“Ok ok, I’d better go then. See you tonight?” he patted her ass.
“Maybe. I’m tired so I might spend the evening with a book instead of another cocktail…” Jenny said, rolling her eyes.

A month later

Per sighed of relief when he finally had his suitcase back. He hated flying, airports and waiting for his suitcase. Thank God he was home again. Even though Stockholm was much colder, darker and more boring than the Canary Islands, he was happy to be back. The two weeks in the sun, which Åsa had planned with their closest friends, had been nice but tiring. Per was once again facing problems with Åsa and once again, he didn’t quite manage. He was so tired, so fed up, so horribly sad right now, anything could happen and he wouldn’t give a shit. After all, he’d already turned forty-nine, so what the hell. His life was over anyway…

His mobile was ringing somewhere when they were getting into the taxi. He couldn’t find it in time and missed the call. A strange long number was in the display when he checked it later. Nobody left a message.

He thought about it again late in the afternoon when he was sitting at his computer, sending some e-mails. He picked up his phone and found the number. Without thinking, he pressed the call-button. It took a long time before it started and the tone sounded very far away. He realised at the same time her voice mail picked up.

‘Hey, it’s Jenny, I can’t come to the phone right now but you can leave a message after the…’

And then the beep sounded, and Per hung up. So he had her number. So what…

Jenny woke up with a yawn and blinked. The sun was shining through the window and right on her face. She heard a buzzing sound somewhere. But where? She stuck her head over the edge and peaked under the bed. There was her mobile. She picked it up, expecting Mike.

“Morning.” She said with a thick voice.
“Hey Jenny.” Per’s low voice sounded far away, yet very close to her ear. Jenny’s heart skipped a beat and she jumped, sitting up in bed.
“Per! Hi!” she said, looking around the messy room as if he would care how it looked.
“I hope I’m not calling too early, I thought it must be around nine now, over there?”
“Yes, that’s correct. That means it’s… one in Sweden?”
“Mhm. Did I wake you?”
“Uhm, yeah… hehe…”
“Aha… I thought so, you sound sleepy. Sorry to wake you then.”
“Oh, that’s ok, don’t worry.”

Silence. Jenny had relaxed a little bit and lay down again.

“So… I was… curious about you. Do you mind?” Per said carefully.
“Uhm, no, I guess not…” Jenny hesitated.
“But, well, I don’t know. A lot has happened.”
“And you don’t want to talk to me?” he asked, his voice even softer.
“No! I mean yes! I do, I want to talk to you. But I don’t know if we should. Talk, I mean.” Jenny stumbled. She pushed her face into her pillow and shook her head. She was doing great.

Per took a sip of his drink and thought for a moment. He decided to just say it and skip the serious crap.

“I missed you, you know.” He whispered into the phone. Jenny nodded, pushing her face further into the pillow.
“I thought about you too. A lot. And I dreamed about you sometimes.” Per continued.
“But I couldn’t reach you and… I was so worried, Jen. Jen?”

Jenny took a deep breath which he could hear through the phone.

“I wish you were here. I didn’t even realise how much I wanted you until I heard your voice on your birthday. I wish you were here Per, here in my bed.” There was a twist in her voice when she told him this. She wasn’t sleepy anymore. She was wide awake, staring at the ceiling, imagining his face.

Per was speechless. They listened to the cracking in the line for a moment.

“Wow, Jen, I…”
“Shhh… I’m sorry, I don’t know what…”
“I would make love to you for the rest of the day.” He interrupted her hoarsely. Jenny bit her lip. She didn’t know what to say. Her mind was blank.

She’d spend one and a half year on trying to forget him and now she was telling him how much she wanted him. Her whole body responded to his voice alone, and the suggestion of…

“Shit Jen, this is turning me on.” He said, shifting in his seat. She didn’t say anything, just breathed into the phone.
“I never thought I would feel like this again, this adrenaline, this… this… I want to touch you so badly. I want to know what you look like now.” Jenny couldn’t help but giggle.
“Sleepy I guess.”
“Sleepy and cute. And what are you wearing?”
“Uhm… well, it’s about twenty-five degrees outside already. And since I’m still in bed, I’m only wearing panties.”
“Mmm. What colour then…” he asked. Jenny had to check.
“Ehhh… something pink and girly… hehehe.” She replied. Per made a hissing sound.
“I have to go now.” He said with a thick voice.
“Ok. I will mail you later.” Jenny promised and with that, they hung up.

She stared at the ceiling for almost half an hour before she was able to get up and start her day.

It took Jenny three days to write Per a sensible e-mail. It was weird to write him, difficult what to say and what to leave out, and almost impossible to tell him what had happened to her since the last time they saw each other. Per replied to her e-mail within an hour. He was obviously sitting at his computer when Jenny sent her mail. It was just eight in the morning in Stockholm, and midnight in Malibu. Her eyes flew over the lines he had written. She bit her lip and giggled sometimes. A lot had happened to him too, obviously. The mail ended with ‘PS: are you online now?’

Jenny’s belly fluttered nervously. Yes, she was online. She was logged onto messenger and chatting with a friend in Holland. Per wasn’t in her messenger anymore, so she added him. He was online and instantly started a conversation.

Gubben says:
Cocktailgirl says:
Hey there… goodnight, rather…
Gubben says:
Yes of course, goodnight :P what are you doing up so late?
Cocktailgirl says:
Nothing really. Reading your mail :)

And, here I am! By the way, you’re up early then ;)
Hahaha. Good point. Yeah, I am early. I couldn’t sleep anymore. I was dreaming of you when I woke up…
Aha. And was it a good dream?
Ehm, yes. Very good. But I woke up too soon ;)

Yes yes, the dream was… a little bit hot. But I am not going to tell you.
Oh I am so flattered ;) please tell me, I want to know!!! Did you dream that we had sex??
Ok. Yes, we had sex.
And was it good?
I’m curious what you would dream about, after so long…

Per was silent for a moment. He remembered very well what he had dreamed, and how he woke up. His neither regions already responded to the memory.

Ok, *sigh*… I dreamed that we were in my bed, naked, and we made love. It was actually quite simple hahaa.
Simple as in? Just shove it in?
Well, yes. LOL. Something like that. But much better of course. We took it very slow.
Sounds good.

Yes, bla it is. What are your plans for today?
Pfff, nothing actually…
You’re off?
Yeah, off, well, I’m not really working on anything at the moment. There are no projects or anything, so you could say that I’m off.
Aha. Bored?
Yes a little :-/ the house is completely emptywith Gabriel to school and Åsa working.

The moment he mentioned Åsa’s name, Per bit his lip. Shit. He didn’t want to talk about his wife to Jenny.

What is she doing then?

Shit, now she wanted to know more. Mhm.

She’s doing a project in interior decorating. She’s decorating a house for some magazine.
Oh that sounds very interesting!
It is. But it feels a bit weird to talk to you about my wife.
Because I was your mistress?
Were you?
I don’t know. Or just a good fuck on Tuesday evening…?

Per didn’t know what to reply now. He felt a stab in his belly when she said that.

LOL I’m sorry, I was just teasing you. I’ve been up for a while you know, and I’ve had a few cocktails. It’s ok, really. You don’t have to hide your family life from me. I’m a big girl ;)

Per changed the subject after that and they ignored it from then on.

Mike was working hard. Saturday night was the biggest night of the week, especially in the tourist season. The average age dropped a little bit and more people came to the pubs. Tonight had started quiet but now, around two, the place was crowded. They had to close at half past two but he wasn’t sure if they would be able to get all people out by then.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise when he saw Jenny standing at the bar. She smiled at him and made a drinking gesture. He poured her a rum and coke and brought it to her. She was wearing a small, tight summer dress and had put her hair up. Minimal make up, maximum sexiness…

“Hey gorgeous.” He said and winked at her. He kissed her cheek shortly over the bar.
“I thought you were busy?” he asked, then walking over to another customer.

“I came to pick you up.” She said when he passed her again. The look in her eyes made his mouth dry. Jenny was on the loose.

A little later, Mike and his colleagues quickly cleaned up the place. Jenny helped them, joking around and dancing on the music which was now a lot softer. Mike had put up a CD with songs that Jenny had brought from Holland. All artists on the CD were Dutch and most were unknown in the US.

I’m walking in the park
And I’m talking to the dark
But there ain’t nobody listening
My heart has turned to stone
When I found myself alone
Now all I do is whisper to the dark

Jenny sang along loudly, moving her head and hips to the beat. It was quite a rough song with a lot of guitar solo’s and she seemed to be in the mood for that tonight. Mike watched from the other side of the dance floor, how she sang the song with Paul, their Dutch employee.

Åsa stretched her arms above her head and yawned. It had been a long, busy morning and she was longing for a good lunch now. She’d come home to eat and see how Per was doing. He was so grumpy and strange lately.

She took a few steps up the stairs and then halted. She turned her head and listened carefully… keyboard. And it was not a CD. Per was probably in the studio then. She took different stairs which led to the second apartment, on top of the one they lived in. Here were the studio and Per’s office; two places he hadn’t used in quite a while.

An unnerving feeling went through her belly when she stood by the closed door. Per was obviously trying to figure out some new song or piece of music. He was repeating the same order of tones on the keyboard over and over again. It sounded slow; a ballad. Åsa knocked on the door. No response. She knocked again. Nothing. The music went on. Then she went in.

“Per?” he jumped up from his stool, hitting his knee against the stand the keyboard was on.
“Ow… hey, I didn’t hear you come in!” he said with a guilty smile.
“I knocked but you didn’t hear me! Are you coming down for lunch?” She asked. Per nodded, and then turned around to his keyboard. Åsa looked at him for a moment and then shook her head.

She was standing in the kitchen, making a fresh salad, when Per came in. Her approached her from behind and surprised her with his arms around her and his face in her neck. Åsa yelped and then laughed right away when his hands grabbed her sides.

“Per! Haha!… you’re scaring me…” she said and tried to push him away. His grip only became stronger, his lips touching the skin in her neck.
“Mmmmm that was my intention…” he growled.

Åsa wanted to push him away and say that she was busy, making a salad, and hungry, and… and then he pushed her against the kitchen bench with his hips. He was hard. His hands moved to her breasts and his grip was strong, determined. Åsa gasped – this was a surprise, not to say a shock. He hadn’t touched her in ages, apart from his obvious and annoying need to touch and kiss her in public.

At the same time, on the other side of the world…

Mike threw Jenny on his bed and crawled over her, kissing and touching her everywhere. Jenny laughed and yelped when he tickled her a little bit. She stopped laughing when he started to push the tiny dress up to undress her. She was naked under it and he started to kiss her body. First her breasts, teasing her nipples a little, then down to her belly, – he loved to push his cheeks against her soft flesh – until he ended up between her legs.

Jenny’s eyes were tightly closed and she was biting her lip. She was panting and moaned when Mike’s tongue started to explore her. He licked her slowly and pushed two fingers inside. She was shaking and moving her hips into him roughly. It took her only a few minutes, then Mike felt her belly cramp and heard her whispering things he didn’t understand when she came.

He didn’t even doubt if she wanted him or not, like he usually did. Per just acted as he felt, which meant he was now undressing his wife against the kitchen bench.

“Oh Per…” Åsa breathed when he had pulled her pants down and fumbled at her panties. His hand dug in and he touched her most sensitive place. Åsa moaned and pushed her ass backwards into him. He opened up his pants and pulled it down with his underwear.

He pushed inside her from behind and she held her breath when he did so. She was still stunned, too stunned and too horny to ask what the hell had gotten into him. He thrust inside her a couple of times, his fingers still working between her legs. Åsa pushed her hips backwards in his rhythm. He heard her panting going faster, until her breath came out in short, moaning puffs and he sped up.

Then she exploded and he followed only a split second later, whispering horny things in her hair…

“Nee… neeeee!! Nee! Nee nee! Mgrbbrrrrrr….”

Jenny was dreaming. And it was not good. Her body twisted and turned under the sheets. Her fingers dug into the pillow and she screamed something in Dutch.

“Jenny! Jenny wake up!” Mike said loudly. He sat up in bed and held her face between his hands. Finally she woke up with a gasp, eyes wide. She panted and stared blindly at Mike.

“You had a nightmare. Are you ok?” he asked, his voice soft now. He lay down beside her and took her in his arms. Jenny was panting and he felt her heart racing.

“O-oh… uhm… Mike…” she stumbled and moved away from him.
“What… why…” she sat up and looked around her, at the bed, at the room. She was in Mike’s bed.

It was the first time she ever spent the night at his place. They were not a couple and they were always trying hard not to avoid being a couple. And now she was sleeping in his bed and it didn’t feel good – that was probably why she dreamed.

Morning was creeping up on the town outside. It was half past five and they must have been in bed for only a few hours. Jenny still felt the alcohol rush in her blood when she got up and picked her clothes up from the floor.

“Jen, what did you dream about? Do you have to leave now?” Mike whispered.
“I was forced to go back to… to Europe. Home. And I can’t sleep in your bed.” She mumbled. Mike sighed loudly and fell back onto the pillow, his hands in the air in a desperate gesture.

“Jenny.” He said when she was dressed and tying her hair together in a knot.
“This is just stupid, I mean… what’s so bad about sleeping together? I mean, actually sleeping. We’ve been seeing each other for…” he stopped talking when she shot an ice cold look at him.
“What do you want Mike? You want me to hold your hand all of a sudden? Mhm?” she said coldly.

Mike stepped out of bed. He was naked. Jenny didn’t look at his perfectly trained, tanned body. She stared passed him.

“Don’t be like this Jen, let’s…”
“No. Let’s not.” She said. She picked her purse up from the night stand and left.

A couple of hours later, Mike woke up again. He heard some weird noise coming from… from where? He reached around without opening his eyes. Jenny had left her mobile phone. It was under the now empty pillow next to him. It was buzzing, ringing actually. A strange long number was shown in the display and it said ‘PG’. Mike was tired and angry and sad and disappointed. So he picked up.

“Uhm… hello?”
“Hello. Jenny forgot her phone.”
“Oh, I see. Uhm, well, I’ll call her later, then.”
“Who are you? You’re not American?”
“I’m an old friend.” Per said and quickly hung up.

Per lay awake for a couple of hours thinking about ‘Mike’. She hadn’t mentioned a man in her life. But for all Per knew, Mike was just her colleague or neighbour or whatever… or her lover…

Mike turned up at Jenny’s hotel early in the evening. She was sitting on the terrace with a snack and a book. He put the phone on the table next to her laptop. The sound startled her and she sat up and looked at him.

“Oh. Hi.”
“Oh, hi to you too.” Mike said softly.
“Thanks a lot.” She said with a nod in the direction of the phone. Then her eyes went back to her book. Mike sat down in the chair next to her, leaning forward so their faces were the same height.

“I would love to hold your hand you know.” There. He’d blurted it out. Jenny gazed at him from behind her book. She shook her head.
“Mike, we can’t…”
“Yes we can. I can.”

Jenny sighed.

“I… I can’t Mike.” She said, less cold than before. Mike looked at his feet and didn’t say anything. Jenny bit her lip. She sat up, put the book down and picked up his hand.

“Listen to me, I am not for you honey. Really. You are fantastic, you deserve a girl that’s madly in love with you. But… god I hate this. I am not that girl Mike. I’m sorry.” She said with a thick voice.

They had never been a couple. But now they were breaking up.

Mike looked her without any expression on his face. He bent over to her and kissed her lips, so softly she barely felt him. Then he left.

Weeks later

Per hadn’t dared to call Jenny again, afraid ‘Mike’ would pick up. He wasn’t sure what their relation was and he didn’t want her to get into any trouble.

At the same time, Jenny was wondering why she hadn’t heard from Per in so long. She was on a sort of road trip around Malibu, visiting Santa Monica, Los Angeles and maybe even Anaheim. She was travelling alone and mostly writing down everything she saw, did, felt and went through. But no Internet and it was fine that way. She wasn’t expecting any desperate e-mails from Mike – he hadn’t called, either – but still she wasn’t too keen on checking her mail.

She read a lot, and she listened to music a lot.

Anaheim was bringing her a surprise though. A surprise that made her call Per.

It was about half past nine in Stockholm when she called him. Noon-ish in Anaheim, California.

“Hello?” he answered.
“Hey gorgeous.” She whispered.
“Eh… hi…” he hesitated.
“Listen.” Jenny said and he held the phone tighter to his ear. Somewhere in the background where she was, he heard music. When he listened even closer, he could recognise his own voice.

“They are playing your song.” Jenny’s voice was back. She was whispering in a way that made Per sweat.
“Yeah… listen, can I call you back?”
“Am I calling at a bad time?”
“Kind of. I am at a party, and eh, yeah… well…”

Jenny giggled. The way he carried himself in this situation was absolutely clumsy.

“And your wife is there?”
“Oh. And everybody is looking at you because you are on the phone?”
“Hihi. I called to hear your voice. I met some Swedish people and they were playing you…”
“Oh how nice.”
“Hahaha… you don’t sound obvious at all, don’t worry!!”
“Hold on.” He said, his voice tight. She heard some fumbling and then he came back, with less background noise.

“I’m in the hall now.”
“Ah. Ok. So, ehm, I didn’t hear from you in quite a while, and I don’t have Internet at the moment so I thought I’d call you…”
“I called you a little while ago but a guy picked up” Per whispered into the phone.

Jenny was silent for a moment. Aha.

“He did? How rude of him not to tell me! Well, uhm, I guess you have to go back…”
“Who’s that guy?” he interrupted, still whispering.
“Mike, uhm… he… we had a fling.”
“Yeah. But it’s over.”
“I have to go, I will call you later, bye.” Per suddenly said, urgency in his voice. Then he instantly hung up without waiting for her to reply. Jenny stared at the phone in her hand with her mouth open.

He called back early in the evening but Jenny didn’t pick up. She was having a BBQ with the Swedish people she’d met in her hotel and when he saw that Per called, she pressed the ‘cancel’-button.

Later that night, when she went to bed, Jenny remembered to check her phone. Per had left a message on her voice mail.

‘Sorry that I had to go so suddenly. I wish we could’ve talked a little longer. Call me back soon, I miss you.’

She listened to the message three times. What the hell did this mean? She was getting confused again. She was loosing her grip on this situation, even though there were miles and miles between them.

Det är bättre
att leka med elden
och bränna sin hand
Att älska och förlora
än att inte ha älskat alls

Per was driving. He was driving and he was concentrated, his eyes going from left to right and back, trying to keep up with the busy traffic.

He was wearing a black shirt which was now covered in crinkles, as his face was wrinkled and worn after a very long night.

He hadn’t spoken to her in three weeks. Not even an e-mail or an sms. The last time they spoke had been… troubling, to say the least. The whole thing passed through his mind again while driving through rush hour.

Jenny had called him in the middle of the day. He was having lunch in a café in town with his wife and some friends, when his phone rang. He knew it was Jenny and didn’t pick up. Then it rang again, and again, so he excused himself and stepped outside to pick up. Jenny was drunk; he knew that instantly when he picked up. She was horribly drunk and miserable and making a fool of herself.

“Per, honey, are you there? Hey!”
“Hey Jen, what’s up? Are you ok?”
“Hehehehe… yeah I’m great!” she said with a bad accent. Per was thinking hard what to say next but he didn’t have to.
“I was thinking about you.” Jenny slurred.
“Mhm, only good things I hope?”
“Oh yes… yes v-very good things.” She whispered and giggled.
“Listen, I can’t talk right now, I’m in the middle of lunch with some people and…”
“And your wife, is she there too?”
“Yes. I have to go back now, can I call you later?” he said, already turning to the door to go back inside. He was freezing his ass off. He heard some ruffling and then sniffing.
“No. No no, don’t call me back. You don’t have to call me back. I don’t need you anymore Per. Just go to your wife and… and fuck her brains out, and forget about me!” She cried. Per signed and closed his eyes for a moment.
“Babe…” he whispered
“Don’t call me that. I don’t remember why I called you. So I’m going now, goodbye.”
“Get some sleep Jen, and…” he tried but she’d already hung up.

He had been standing there for a moment, staring at his phone. He’d sent her an sms a couple of hours later, asking if she was awake and feeling better yet. No reply.

And now he was driving along the coast line of Malibu. He wouldn’t have expected that in a million years.

In the meantime, Jenny and Dutch friend Paul were drying the dishes. They had dinner together at his apartment and talked about their favourite subject; men. Both were sure they would never find Mr. Right. Or he would be already taken. Paul had also told Jenny that Mike seemed to be quite devastated from the fact that she’d ‘dumped’ him. Gossip went that he hadn’t had another girl since that day. Jenny sighed. Why do some guys make it so difficult for themselves?!

Paul was off that evening so they went to the beach club to explore the party there. There was always something going on around the beach, and tonight it was an open Salsa lesson. They enjoyed themselves a lot and got pleasantly drunk – even though Jenny had told herself not to drink anymore on weekdays. This habit was getting a bit of a pest.

It was already past eight when Per finally had dinner. He talked with the waitress for a while and she told him where he could find the hotel he was looking for. It took him half an hour to reach it. He requested a special room which was no problem.

He dropped on the bed and slept like a log.

Half past eleven

Per came from the shower and paced around the room. T-shirt, jeans. Phone. He wandered around and stood on the balcony for a moment. He could smell the sea and heard music coming from somewhere on the beach…

A door slammed and he heard loud voices. Lights were turned on and water was running. Two girls talking. It was a room left of his room, one floor under him…

“Do you want to stay here? I have an extra bed, it’s no problem really.”

That was her voice. The shock was so big it hurt in his chest. He closed his eyes tightly and listened.

“No, no thanks honey, it’s ok. I’ll just go home, thanks for your help.” Another woman said.
“Ok, let me call you a taxi then.” Jenny again. Then he heard the conversation on the phone, she was calling a taxi for her friend and she was standing on the balcony. Per didn’t dare to open his eyes. He just listened.

A little later, the other woman left. More water running, then lights out and everything was quiet.

Knock knock.

Jenny refused to open her eyes. More knocking.
“What!” she yelled. Nothing.

With a big, annoyed sigh and some indefinable moaning, she pulled herself out of bed. She was dizzy and her head felt heavy.

Knock knock.

“What!!!!” she yelled when she yanked the door open. And there he was.

First she thought she would, indeed, have a heart attack.

Per was leaning against the door frame with his eyes closed, bracing as if he was expecting her to hit him. He carried a bottle of champagne. He was wearing light faded jeans and a tight white t-shirt. His head slowly came up and he looked at her with a silly smile.

“Hey Jen. Sorry to disturb you…” his voice was low and soft and hit her deep.
“Per…” she gasped.

They stared at each other for a moment.

“Can I come in?” he then asked. She nodded without doing anything, so he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. There was only a small light beside the bed, the rest of the room was dark. It was quite tidy except for the bed, which looked as if a bomb had exploded. Jenny looked rumpled and sleepy. She was wearing a silk kimono with a very ugly Chinese design and a few sizes too big.

Per took a deep breath and tried to control his racing heartbeat. The room smelled like the sea and her. He put the bottle down on the table closest to him and then turned to Jenny again.

“I… I know it sounds horrible, but… I was in the neighbourhood…” he said with an apologetic smile. He stepped closer to her.

“So, are you really here then?” she whispered so softly he could barely hear it.
“Yes. I was going to LA for work and… and I couldn’t bare the thought that you…” he stopped talking when she threw herself into his arms. They hugged fiercely, tightly, clenching to each other.

“I thought I would never see you again.” she whispered. He heard her sobbing.
“Don’t cry, babe, hey…” he said and lifted her face. Tears streamed down her cheeks. He just looked at her.
“Forgodssake… Kiss me then…” she slurred.

He tried to be soft and slow, tried to make that moment last. But when their lips touched, he felt fire shoot though his body. The tension was unbearable. They stumbled to the bed and she moaned when he fell on top of her. His shirt flew through the room and he had to push a lot of Chinese silk away to feel her skin on his.

Jenny’s hands went through his hair slowly while he kissed her. She felt his chest press onto her. He was warm and felt good, and she never wanted to let him go… He cupped her breasts in his hands and he looked at them for a moment. Then he bent down and suckled on a nipple a bit. His tongue tickled and it made Jenny laugh.

“Is that funny?” his low voice whispered to her. His mouth came to hers again and he kissed her roughly, so fast that she had trouble keeping up. He moaned loudly.
“Jen… I… maybe… I… oh Jen…” he mumbled between kisses. She stopped and looked at him, her hands on his cheeks.
“What is it?” she said softly. He leaned his forehead on hers and closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath.
“I… I didn’t mean to… bash in like this…” he panted. Her fingers traced the lines of his face carefully.
“I… I don’t know… are you sure about this?” he stumbled. Jenny nodded and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
“You don’t want to?” she whispered. Per growled and kissed her neck.
“I do. I want you.” He breathed in her ear. He parted her legs with his knee and pushed his hips against her, making her feel how much he wanted her. Jenny giggled and moved her hips into him as well. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pushed him to the side, turning them so that she was now on top of him.

First she got rid of the kimono. Then she started to take Per’s jeans off, and his underwear with it. She straddled him and bent down to kiss him. Soft and slowly, the complete opposite from the outrageous lust he’d kissed her with. His hands trembled a little bit when he touched her legs.

Jenny caressed his chest, up over his shoulders, to his arms and then to his belly.

“Forty-nine, right?”
“Don’t say it out loud…” he moaned, rolling his eyes.
“Oh stop whining! You have nothing to worry about…”

She lowered herself until she could kiss his belly. Soft, wet kisses spread over his belly, on his bellybutton, lower until she reached that hard and longing part of him. He held his breath when she took him in her mouth.

“O-ohh… slow down…” he whispered after a moment. His hand went through her hair and he was panting fast. But even when she slowed down, it was too much for him. He was trembling and panting and he told her to stop.

She sat on top of him again and kissed him softly. Per calmed down a little bit.

“I didn’t want to…”
“I know.”

They laughed.

She guided him inside carefully, closing her eyes in concentration. Per’s hands held her hips and he caressed her there, looking at her. Her hair was messy and covered her face a little; she constantly had to push it out of the way. Her mouth was slightly opened and she panted, sometimes let out soft and high moans.

Per pulled her down to him to receive more kisses. Her hard nipples pressed against his chest and his hands squeezed her ass.

With a growl and a bit clumsy, he turned them around so that she was laying on her back now. They found a more comfortable position on the bed. Now it was Per who was kissing his way down over her body.

Jenny was so hot she could hardly think. She grabbed her pillow when Per spread her legs and kissed her thighs. He licked slowly up and down, taking his time, watching her reaction.

“Is this good?” he whispered softly. Jenny nodded, biting her lip. Her eyes were still closed.

“Tell me… help me a little…” he said with a chuckle. Her eyes opened and she smiled. The look in her eyes took his breath away.

“Yes… there… a little…. Oh!” Jenny moved her hips to feel him more and her breathing stalled. Per pushed a finger inside her and watched how she trembled, how her hips came off the bed and her mouth opened in a silent scream…

Per kissed her neck, her face, and then finally her mouth.


He softly slid his soap-covered hands over her breasts, looking at the erect pink nipples under the foam.

“God I missed you…” he growled and kissed her slippery neck. Jenny cuddled him closer and caressed his back where the warm water was softly drumming onto. He pushed her against the cold wall and she shivered. His lips found hers and he kissed her softly, slowly, heavy with tiredness. Her hands moved along his sides and squeezed his ass. He pushed his hips forward and she felt him pressing hard in her stomach.

She chewed her bottom lip and looked up at him, making his heart race.

“Oh… no no… you bad woman…” he mumbled and kissed her shoulder. Jenny giggled.
“What, I didn’t…”
“No. You didn’t do anything, I know. Oh I can go on like this for hours…” he groaned hoarsely and pushed his member into the soft flesh of her stomach again. Then he suddenly let go of her.

“We should get some sleep too…” he said and turned to the stream of water. He added some more cold water, rinsed off and left the shower with a last glance at her.

Jenny sighed deeply and stayed there for a moment longer, enjoying the trance-like tiredness she was feeling.

Per was sitting on the bed when she was finished. He had tidied up the room and was just pouring two glasses of champagne. Jenny put her kimono on and climbed on the bed with him.

“Thanks.” She said and took the glass of champagne from him. She took a little sip and watched him drink.

“So how did you end up here?” she asked. Her voice was soft and sleepy. Per took another sip from his champagne, tasting it with attention, then nodded and answered.
“Well… there’s an EMI thing in LA tomorrow evening. Something… party-ish, with lots of famous and rich people. EMI always sends some Swedish people to promote Swedish music here and they asked if I wanted to join.”
“And you went.”
“I had to. How could I ever have said no?”

“And I was thinking I was safe here…” she mumbled after a moment of silence.
“Mmm?” Per asked, not quite hearing what she said. She shook her head and stared at her glass. Per’s finger drew circles on the sole of her foot and she concentrated hard to stand it, but eventually she laughed and pulled her foot away.

He took their glasses and put them on the floor beside the bed. He lay in bed under the thin sheets now and beckoned her with his finger. Jenny smiled at him and stood up to turn off the lights. In the dark, she took off her kimono and climbed in bed. He shivered when he felt her warm body against him. He pushed her on her back and kissed her, his hands stroking her still damp hair. Jenny got even warmer and writhed under the sheets. His hand went down to her breasts, which he caressed one by one with a soft touch. He kissed down over her neck and laid his cheek against her breasts. His hand went on stroking her belly and just slightly touched the small stripe of hair between her legs. His hand came up again and his fingers played with a nipple…

All the while, Per was laying comfortably against her, breathing in and out deeply as if he was asleep. His stroking didn’t leave Jenny untouched… she was wet now and she needed more.

Per was almost drifting off. He was dead tired after this long day full of events. Jenny lay on her side and he pulled her against him. He didn’t want to waste time with not touching her. He couldn’t miss the feeling of her skin on his. He didn’t want to breath anything but her smell.

“Per…” she whispered in the darkness. They lay like spoons, his face buried in her hair and he was on the brink of falling asleep.

“Mmm…” he growled.
His chest was warm against her back. She pushed her ass into him and trembled a little. Per’s head came up and he looked at her. She took his hand from her belly and pushed it down between her legs. His fingers knew the way and soon he found a flush of wetness between her lips…

“Oh…” he said, half surprised. She moved her hips back and forth against his hand.
“Per… I… oh…” she panted.
“What Jen… what is it honey…” he whispered in her ear with a giggle. He slipped a finger inside her and she pushed her hips further into him.
“Please…” she gasped. Per bit his lip and felt fire rush through him. His face was red, but it was dark and she had her eyes closed so she wouldn’t see it. The warmth spread through him and his lower body parts started to wake from the slumber he had slipped into.

His fingers slowly explored her. He searched and found a rhythm that caused soft yelps from her. He circled his fingers around, following the rhythm of her hips. In her haze, she felt him growing hard against her ass. She opened her legs for him and reached down with her hand…

“Ah!” Per gasped when he was suddenly inside her. She was trembling and dripping and thrusting down to feel him deeper, clenching her thighs and her insides. Per held her hips and pushed upwards into her, deeper and tighter. He kissed her neck, bit her shoulder.

“OH… so… tight…” he panted in her ear.

The first time tonight when he had made love to her, he hadn’t said anything at all. Jenny had almost felt embarrassed with his silence, got shy from the piercing look of his eyes.

Now he was moving in and out of her in a lustful rage, working only to reach that one point of release… he seemed to want to crawl into her, couldn’t get close enough to her, couldn’t feel enough of her skin at the same time.

“Jenny…. Jenny… oh oh…” he moaned loudly and then shuddered and released inside her.

Something startled her and Jenny woke up with a gasp. She half turned around and bumped her elbow into Per’s chest. He took her in his arms right away and cuddled up to her, his face buried in her neck.

“Morning.” he whispered. Jenny giggled when his low voice tickled her ear.
“Mmmm…” she said. Then she heard what had startled her; her mobile was buzzing under her bed. With a groan, she turned around and reached beside the bed. She saw on the screen that it was Paul.

“Hoi Paul.” She answered in Dutch and a Dutch conversation followed. Per laid his head on her belly, facing her, the sheets twisted around them. His head moved when she laughed about something Paul said. Her hand went through his hair and she looked at him with sweet sleepy eyes, winking at him.

“Ooooooj….. what’s the time…?” Jenny sighed when the conversation with Paul was finished. She dropped the phone on the floor.
“Almost nine.” Per mumbled with his lips on her breast.
“Mmmm you smell good…” he sighed in her neck.
“Per Gessle, you are a sexmaniac.” Jenny stated, looking down on how he licked one of her nipples. He grinned at her.
“Your fault. But we can’t, I want to be in LA on time.” He said, now sitting on top of her with one leg on each side.

Jenny pinched his ass hard.

“Can I come?” she asked, hesitation in her voice. He stopped kissing her neck and looked at her.

“Ehm.” Per didn’t know what to say. The thought of going out with her, have some fun instead of the boredom the evening would surely bring otherwise, appealed to him. Having her in his hotel bed another night didn’t really sound awful either.

“No.” he shook his head determinedly.
“I can’t risk anyone seeing you and me and…”
“What did you tell them yesterday then?”
“That I was going to visit a friend.” He said. He was still leaning over her and Jenny stroked his arms. Finally she nodded.

When Per was in the shower, Jenny hid her face in the pillow and cried.

The whole ride back to LAX Airport, Per felt bad. It had been wrong to visit her. She had acted so strange when he left and he realised that she was sad. He was hurting her by leaving again, even though both knew that he had to. But what did you expect? He asked himself over and over. That she would spread her legs with a smile and then also wave you goodbye with a smile? He cursed inwardly.

The rest of the day went by so fast, he could barely keep up. When he arrived at the hotel, everyone was getting ready for a photo shoot and he was just in time to join. Some small interviews followed and Per felt he was being thrown back into the early nineties… they were still asking the same questions…

The party was as he had expected; many famous and rich people, even more business hotshots, a lot of fat food and bad wine. He managed to excuse himself around eleven and went up to his room. He brushed his teeth and climbed in bed with a tired groan. His muscles were hurting… one visit to Jenny was heavier than the gym…

He flicked on the TV but didn’t really watch it. The images of last night were still vivid in his mind, as well as the way she had looked at him this morning when he left.

He had fallen asleep without even noticing it. It wasn’t even one yet when he woke up with a shock and dropped the remote control on the floor. Then there was a knock on the door, loudly. Per stood up from the bed, groggy and unsteady on his feet.

“Who is it?” he said in English.
“A genie in a bottle… hahahaha…”

Per’s heart skipped a bit. Oh god. No. No no no. He opened the door.

“Jen! What the hell are you…”
“Hey honey…” she slurred a little bit and she stepped inside. He grabbed her arm and pulled her in.

“What are you doing here?!” Per almost screamed. He had looked up and down the hallway but didn’t see anyone. He looked at Jenny, who didn’t answer. He was still holding her arm and she was leaning on him heavily. She was drunk. He felt his anger rise.

“Jen, how did you get here?” he asked. She shrugged.
“I drove.” She said softly, looking at him as if he had lost his mind.
“You drove in this state?” he asked, squeezing her arm harder.
“Auw… that hurts…” she muttered and pulled her arm out of his grip.
“No of course I didn’t drive in this state. I needed a drink to… to get enough courage.”

Jenny sighed inwardly. She always became horribly honest when she was drunk.

“I just… I thought…”

There was another knock on the door. Per laid a finger against his lips and pointed at the bathroom. Jenny hurried there and closed the door.

Per opened the door to his room and peeked into the hallway. Li had just walked away but came back when she saw him.

“Oh I didn’t wake you, did I?” she said softly. Per shook his head.
“No, I was watching TV. Everything ok?”
“Yes, fine. You? I heard some noise in your room?”
“Uhm, yeah, the TV was on a bit too loud I guess, hehe. Good night!”

He closed the door and breathed out. Jenny came out of the bathroom and smiled at him.

“You shouldn’t have come here.” He said, his voice tight. She opened her mouth to speak but he was quicker.
“Maybe someone saw you, maybe Li is hearing us right now. I don’t even want to think about what will happen if…” his voice was low but bursting with anger. Jenny interrupted him, her voice as low and as tight and angry.

“Remember you came to me. People could have seen you in Miami too, someone could have recognised you. The place is crawling with tourists.”

They looked at each other for a moment, both trembling and with red cheeks.

“God dammed. I just wanted to see you. More. I just want more, Per.” Jenny said. Her voice had lost the angry touch with the last words.

“More of you…” she whispered and approached him. She laid a hand on his naked chest and stood on her toes to kiss him. His heart was racing and he was trembling, still nervous and shocked. Her lips felt soft on his. He smelled wine on her breath. Expensive, heavy, red wine. He felt his body respond when she licked his lips. He cursed, and then answered her kiss roughly. His tongue probed her mouth and his hands grabbed the back of her head, kneading her hair. He was not breathing, he couldn’t, he couldn’t think, there was only the instinct of kissing her. Touching her, having her close as if… as if…

He took her arms and laid them around his shoulder. His hands took her ass in a firm grip and he lifted her from the floor. Jenny wrapped her legs around him, her mouth not leaving his. He walked to the bed and slowly lowered them both onto it. His hips were between her legs and he hitched up the thin, pink summer dress she was wearing. She was naked under it.

Jenny had trouble focussing. I am drunk, went through her head. I am d-d-d-d-drunk, hahahahhahaa… his warm hands grabbed her thighs and she felt a tickle between her legs.

“God dammed I want you too.” Per whispered in her ear. He had stopped kissing her and held still for a moment. They were both panting, clinging to each other. Jenny’s eyes were closed. Per moved his hips forward and saw how she bit her lip. She was so sexy when she did that. A warm feeling spread through his belly. He moved his hips again, and again, rubbing his hard member against her. He pushed her jacket away and then pulled the thin straps of her dress down. He breathed her in, felt the skin of her breasts against his cheek. Kissed, licked, squeezed. Jenny’s fingers went through his hair, slowly caressing him. On to his shoulders, over his back where her nails gave him goose bumps.

Per peeled the small dress off her and stood up from the bed to take his shorts off. Then he crawled over her, covering her belly in kisses, then her breasts, then her mouth. He slipped inside her easily and she moved her hips upwards to feel him better. She wrapped her legs around him and her hands clutched his hair. Her hips followed his rhythm and he felt good, even in her alcoholic haze…

Per started trembling and panting faster, he pulled out but was too late… he spilled everything on her belly…

“Oh… oh shit…” he sighed and sank on top of her. She felt his heart racing against her chest.
“What?” Jenny asked dizzily.
“I… I’m sorry, I couldn’t…” he stumbled and kissed her face. Then he moved off her and Jenny felt the wetness on her belly. Oops.

“Sorry sorry… I will get you a towel, wait.” Per said with blushes on his cheeks and he wanted to stand up from the bed.
“No, it’s ok, don’t worry. I’ll take a quick shower.” She said with a smile and walked to the bathroom.

Per took over the shower when Jenny was finished. When he returned to the room, she was sitting on the middle of the bed, flicking through the channels on the TV in silence. She wore a big fluffy bathrobe which reminded him of that morning in a hotel in Stockholm. He moved over the bed to her and wrapped his arms around her, his nose in her neck, sniffing what was left of her perfume, mixed with soap and her own scent. She didn’t move.

“I’m sorry honey.” He said softly in her neck. Jenny looked the other way. He felt a shiver go through her shoulders and he realised something was wrong.
“Hey… what’s up?” he said. She didn’t reply, kept flicking the channels blindly.

“I just fucking hate it that you are leaving tomorrow. That you are leaving me alone again, for God knows how long.”

Jenny spoke these words softly, after a moment of silence. Her voice was thick and heavy and she spoke English. Then he heard how she cried, even though she made almost no sound. He couldn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say. She was right and it caused a knot in his belly.

So instead, he wrapped his arms tighter around her and pulled her to him. Her tears made his chest wet.

Eventually, they fell asleep.

Per woke up slowly the next morning. He slowly became aware of things, different things, one by one. After a while he turned around in the bed, longing to cuddle up to Jenny, feeling the tension in his belly… and she wasn’t there. He felt around the bed but she was gone.

She just came in from the bathroom when he opened his eyes. She was dressed in a short jeans skirt, white blouse and slippers. Her hair was tied in a knot on the back of her head and a bag, which he hadn’t seen the night before, was standing by the door. Per came up on his elbows and looked at her.

“Morning.” She said and avoided his eyes.
“Morning.” He said. He glanced at the clock; nearly ten. Shit, why did he have to be such a sleepyhead?! Why couldn’t he have woken up before she had packed and was ready to leave?!

“I’m going. I ordered breakfast.” She said and pointed at the table on the other side of the room.

He wanted to speak but only a sigh left his mouth. Jenny was already standing by the door but she turned around. She came to the bed, sat on the edge on her knees, bent over to him and kissed his lips. Her hand lay on his cheek and she gave him a long, soft kiss on his lips.

“Bye.” She said, her beautiful brown eyes staring right into his.

Per stared out of the window as the plane was leaving LAX. His hands held the arm rests tightly. He hated flying, especially taking off and coming down again. Jenny, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny… his mind was not letting go of her. He could still smell her. He could still taste her lips. He could see the hurt in her eyes, behind the cold façade of that morning. His stomach cramped.

Jenny. He sighed. So warm and tender. Sweet. Beautiful, yes she was beautiful. Young. Per chuckled. She was young…

He stretched his legs under the seat in front of him and leaned his head back. He tried to fall asleep. A moment later, someone touched his arm. It was Lisa Miskovsky, the Swedish singer that had also done some promotion in LA. They had the same manager.
“Sorry, I have to go.” She said, pointing at the bathroom with an apologetic smile. Per smiled back and stood up from his chair. Li had the window seat, she was reading a book.

The moment he closed his eyes again, Per was back in Jenny’s room. The room was a mess. Steam came out of the shower. He walked into the bathroom and saw her standing under the shower. He couldn’t look through the shower-door but he could see her body forms through it.

“Ehm…” Lisa cleared her throat. Per stood up from his chair to let her pass.
“Sorry.” She said, shy smile.
“No problem, I am just so tired that I can’t keep my eyes open.” Per said with a sigh and a tired smile.

He thought he could smell her when he closed his eyes again. Was it just his imagination or did her perfume end up on his shirt somewhere? He sniffed his collar. Nothing. He wasn’t wearing that shirt when they said goodbye that morning. Still a hint of perfume was hanging in the air and he recognised it. It opened up his senses and brought back memories…
“Are you wearing any perfume?” he asked Lisa. She brought her wrist to her nose and nodded, then held up her wrist for him to smell. His belly got warm.
“Pleasures.” Lisa said softly. Per raised one eyebrow at her.
“That’s the name. Pleasures, by Estee Lauder.” She said and chuckled.

Pleasures. The word went through his mind while he sat back again and tried to fall asleep. Pleasures. It fitted her well.

*i didn’t mean to be so harsh. sorry. was your trip ok? xxx*

Per read this message on his phone two days after he’d returned from LA. It was late at night and he returned from a visit to a friend. Standing by the door, he’d felt his phone buzz in the pocket of his jeans.

*you were right. trip was a nightmare! xxx back*

He sent. He went inside and straight to the bedroom. As silent as possible, he lay down next to Åsa. His phone on the bedside table buzzed.

*already miss you. are you in bed? call me tomorrow.*

Jenny had sent. Per looked at the message and bit his lip. Then he felt Åsa move beside him. He put the phone back on the table and turned around. He moved under the blankets to Åsa’s side of the bed.

“Are you awake?” he whispered softly.
“Yes. Hi.”
“Hi. Sorry that I woke you.”
“Oh… it’s ok…” she said and yawned.
“How was it at Lasse’s?” she asked, turning his way. He felt her hand lightly on his shoulder.
“Great, yes. We had a good time. Talked a lot of nonsense.”

She was laying against him now, a hand stroking his chest. He turned his head to her and kissed her forehead.

“How is your headache doing?” he asked, pulling her in his arms. She laid her head on his chest and wrapped an arm around his waist.
“Mhm. A bit less. But still hammering. Gabriel was making a fuss tonight and I was so pissed… I cried and the poor kid was shocked.”

Per was staring at the dark ceiling. He saw Jenny every time he closed his eyes.

Days went by almost unnoticed. The weather got a bit rainy and Jenny stayed inside most of the time. Some people from the magazine she worked for, visited her to take some photos and interview her. Her contract would be over soon and neither Jenny nor the people from the magazine had decided if they wanted to continue. Jenny was happy to be talking Dutch for a moment.

She had contact with Per rarely. Only an sms here or there, and sometimes an e-mail. She didn’t really know what to talk to him about. She had been miserable after the last time she saw him. She had spent days thinking about him, and herself, and about the possibilities…

Jenny was well aware of the fact that she had fallen madly in love with him again. Or maybe she hadn’t stopped loving him at all.

If Per asked how she was, she said ‘busy’. She didn’t ask how he was. Somehow she was afraid of the answer. Somehow she felt a cramp when he said he missed her. A stab in her stomach when he said she turned him on.

She worked hard. Wrote a lot. Went to the gym almost every day.

One day, she was sitting on the balcony writing a couple of postcards to her family, when her phone rang.

“Hi Jenny, it’s Mark.” He said in Dutch.
“Hey Mark! That’s been a while! How are you? And Jessica?”
“Hehe… we’re fine, yes, great. Jessica is pregnant.” He said, his voice swollen with pride. This was something he wanted to tell so much that everything else was less important. They talked about the pregnancy for a while.

Mark was a former colleague of Jenny. They had lost contact when she moved to Miami but they had started e-mailing recently. He had also left the company and was now working for a broker in Amsterdam.

“Listen, in your last e-mail you wrote you were missing Amsterdam and that you sometimes thought about how it would be to live here again, right?” Mark said after a while. Jenny confirmed that. Her heart jumped.
“Well, because of the baby and all, Jess and I bought a house in Amstelveen. Our apartment in the city is for sale and we want to leave almost all the furniture.”
“Oj…” Jenny sighed, not realising that this Swedish expression was misplaced in a Dutch conversation.
“What do you think?” Mark asked after a moment of silence.
“I… I don’t know… hihi…” Jenny giggled.
“You know what the place looks like, nothing much has changed since you visited here. And I can send you pictures and stuff, I understand that you can’t come over to inspect it.”
“Ok. Yes, send me the pictures! And pictures of you two as well, I want to see Jessica’s belly!”

With the sound of the sea in the background, Per was pleasantly slumbering in the sun. He saw how Jenny came out of the water in her orange bikini. Her nipples were clearly visible under the slick fabric. She adjusted her panties and top when she walked his way, her breasts moving with every step. Per heard a repressed moan coming from his mouth.

Salt water dripped onto his chest when she stood next to him. Per shivered.
“Hey, you’re leaking…” he said softly. Jenny didn’t say anything but dropped the towel she was holding and then climbed on his lap with one leg on each side of his hips. She pressed her slippery body against him and he felt her hard nipples on his chest. He gasped when her hips sank down and landed on his crotch.

Jenny kissed him. Her lips were cold but her breath was hot. She slid her tongue between his lips and kissed him wildly, pressing herself hard against him. Per’s hands grabbed her ass in the tiny panties and squeezed the gentle flesh. He grew harder by the second. He pushed his hips up carefully. Jenny giggled against his mouth and swayed her hips around a bit.

Per woke up slowly, fighting to stay asleep… Jenny… beach… sun… bikini…

It was raining. He heard the rain hammering against the window. He sighed. Even without opening his eyes he knew he had been dreaming. Shit. God now he was so hard, it hurt. His whole body was tense. He turned a bit and opened one eye. Åsa was still sleeping, her face turned to him. He touched himself under the blankets carefully, squeezed a bit and felt his lower belly react. No. No, he wouldn’t wake her up. He slowly got up and tiptoed out of the bedroom.

Glancing at the clock in his study, Per saw that it was half past six in the morning. It was in the middle of the night in Miami. He bit his lip and stared at the mobile phone in his hands. He nearly got a heart attack when the thing buzzed to announce a new sms coming in.

*hej gorgeous. i wish you were here. xxx*

Per didn’t hesitate for a second. He settled in his comfortable leather chair and pressed ‘call back’. The phone rang only once and she picked up.

“You’re up early.” Jenny’s voice said softly.
“I dreamed about you.” he said.

Jenny was lying in bed. She heard the excitement in his voice and felt her belly starting to tingle.

“Oh really… what was it about?” she asked with a smile in her voice.
“Mmm… we were making out on the beach.”
“Making out? Hehe… tell me more…”
“Uhm, well, you lay in top of me after you went swimming.”
“Yes. And then?”
“And then I woke up and now I am horny.” he whispered with a chuckle.
“Ohhh… so… is it all hard then?”
“Hahaha… Yes. Very.”
“Mmmmmm. Now I wish even more you were here…” Jenny mumbled and sighed, stretching out in her bed.
“Then what?”
“If you were here? Do you want some dirty talk?” she replied happily.
“Uhuh. Come on, tell me, what would happen if I was there.”

Jenny bit her lip. It had been long since they talked like this. Their last phone call was ages ago and had been quite polite, also as Per had not been alone and unable to really talk. But her last e-mail to him had been a bit naughty perhaps…

“If you were here, I would… uhm, I ehm, hihi…”
“Say it.” he whispered. Jenny took a deep breath. She had trouble not to laugh out loud.
“Well what do you want? You want me to… ehm, hehe, suck you?” she asked. Per grunted.
“Ok. I will do that. I will take it in my mouth and lick it and suck it. Ok?” she said.

Per had to rearrange his pyjama pants.

“But you have to lie down then, and I will be on top of you. Sixty-nine.” Jenny whispered.
“Jesus.” Per gasped.
“Oh I want sex! I need you…” Jenny said softly, a bit frustrated. Her body moved restlessly over the sheets.
“If you only knew…” Per could hardly speak.
“If I knew what?” she asked when he didn’t finish the sentence.
“I can come right now just listening to you talking, saying those things.” he whispered. Jenny giggled again.

Then Per heard some sounds in the hallway. Åsa and Gabriel were up. It was a normal weekday and Gabriel had to go to school. He cursed.

“I have to go, they are awake.”
“Yes, sorry, I will mail you later. By honey.”

When Åsa opened the door, Per was standing by the window.

“Ah, there you are. You’re up early?”
“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep.” He said, only turning his head to her.
“I see. Wanna have breakfast with us?” she asked. He nodded and then he left.

Lately he was wondering about Åsa. Had her tone to him always been that flat? They never talked anymore, except about Gabriel and the things that needed to be discussed, such as money, appointments with other people and… And nothing really. Or was it him who didn’t let her talk? Maybe he just didn’t listen. She had accused him of that before.

He went to the bedroom and put on a t-shirt. His erection had faded; it was now safe to walk through the house again.

He had e-mailed her a couple of hours later and Jenny read it when she woke up. She was getting ready to go running with Paul but she wanted to read that e-mail. She read it about five times, until she was too late and Paul came to get her.

During the running they didn’t talk much. Jenny was thinking about that e-mail. He had written some naughty things but… there was something else in it too. He had summed up things about her that he missed and that he liked. Actually the e-mail was one big ego boost for her, she thought with a grin. But shit, she had felt completely warm and loved and… In love. Love. She knew it was already too late to listen to the voices in her head. She was in love. Since his visit, not a day passed by that she didn’t think of him. Not a day went by that she didn’t miss him. She had tried to ignore it, hadn’t contacted him, hadn’t said any stupid loving things to him. And now… now he told her how silky her skin was and how he couldn’t wait to feel her body against his and how he missed her smile… he missed her smile. Do adulterous men generally miss their mistress’ smile?!

Later that day, after running, shower, her column and lunch, she wanted to reply to his e-mail. She had to start over about six times. She didn’t know what to write. In the end she had written something that was a bit boring or might even sound cold, but it had been hard enough to stay away from the mushy stuff…

Per read her e-mail a couple of days later. He had hoped for a warming, sweet message. He’d had a fight with Åsa and the temperature at home had dropped under zero. Jenny wrote him a simple mail, a fact-stating mail about how she was doing. She sent kisses but that was it. He wondered. Did he misread the signs then? Or what?

He decided to send an equally simple mail.

This way they kind of fooled each other for a couple of months. He thought about her a lot and when he managed to push her away out of his mind, he dreamed about her. His dreams were always more or less the same. They met each other in a crowded place, like in the middle of the city, or a gallery, or a school building, or a concert. They were all over each other and everybody was watching. She asked him to make love to her and although it was insane, with all those people around them, he couldn’t refuse. He always woke up just before they started…

Then she called him suddenly, on a Wednesday evening around nine. He was playing a computer game with Gabriel on his room. Åsa peeked around the door.

“Your phone is ringing.” She said and handed him his phone. It said ‘J’ in the display and Per couldn’t hide a panicking look in his eyes when he took it from her. He picked up with “Hi?” and left his son’s room.

“Hey it’s me. Do you have a moment?”
“Uhm, hang on…” he went upstairs to his study and closed the door.
“Hi there! How are you? It’s been a while.” He said. He couldn’t hide a silly grin, but she wouldn’t see it anyway.
“I’m ok, actually I’m quite good… you?”
“Yeah fine, fine. I’ve missed you.” He added that last thing after a short silence. Jenny cleared her throat.
“Ehm, I uhm, yeah I missed you too. And I wanted to ask you something… you see, the Rolling Stones are performing in Amsterdam at some special occasion, in a small club. And I have two tickets.”

Silence for a moment. Per’s mouth hung open.

“Amsterdam?” he asked. He heard her take a deep breath.
“I moved back.”
“No! You’re not serious! When?!”
“Last month.”
“Wow… you got tired of Miami? Fed up with the beach?”
“Hehehe… yeah kind of. Friends of mine sold their apartment in the city so I got a good offer and I decided to accept. I don’t know how they did it but they kind of guessed that I wanted to move back after so long.”
“And now you’ve got Stones-tickets…”
“Yeah, well, it’s not really a normal concert, but I know someone who works at the club they’re playing and…”
“I’d love to come.”
“Yes? Do you think you can, uhm, get away?”

It was tricky and Per thought about it long, but eventually he managed to ‘get away’. He just told Åsa that a friend had invited him to come to Amsterdam to see the Rolling Stones. She didn’t really seem to mind, but then again, nothing minded her these days. She was away most of the time. She had reacted strange when she saw him sitting in his studio a couple of days ago. Well, yeah, he was bored! He’d written some things and was trying out some tunes and… well and she was of course wondering if he was ‘working’ again, which he had quite so suddenly a while ago, when his last album absolutely flopped big time.

Jenny was waiting at the arrivals hall already for at least half an hour. It was Friday afternoon and Per’s plane had landed around five. He came out more than half an hour later and saw her right away. He only had a small suitcase in his hand and a leather jacket over his arm. He wrapped his free arm around her and held her for a moment. Jenny wrapped her arms around his neck and… couldn’t prevent those stupid tears from falling. She tried to push them back. When she didn’t let go, Per put down his suitcase and held her with both arms and kissed her cheek.

They walked through the Airport in the direction of the parking. Jenny held her hands on her back so she wouldn’t get the urge to take Per’s hand.

“So ehm, what’s the plan?” Per asked, looking around the Airport. It had been a while since he last saw Schiphol and it looked a bit different.
“The plan, yeah, ehm, we’re going to my house now. I’ll show you around. Then we’ll change, because I made reservations in a restaurant where we can’t go in jeans. I hope you brought a suit…” she said with a grin.

Per looked at her while she talked more. She wore dark blue jeans with high heeled black boots and a black blouse. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her cleavage…

“You look gorgeous Jen.” He said softly in the middle of her sentence. She stopped talking, mouth open, cheeks getting red.
“Thanks.” She said and looked the other way.
“So we can walk from the restaurant to the club. And then take a taxi to my place.” She continued.
“And then…” he said, a glimmer in his eyes.
“Eh… yeah then uhm…”
“Then I can have you for desert.” He whispered barely audible. But Jenny had no trouble hearing it. She bit her lip and tried not to laugh out loud.

He looked at her ass when she was standing at the machine for parking tickets. He stood very close to her and carefully squeezed her butt. She stepped away and turned red again.

He followed her to the car, a silver-grey Mercedes sports car.

“Mhm not bad.” Per said when he put his suitcase in the back.
“Oh it’s just a rental.” She said with a grin and buckled up.
“Jenny.” He said her name softly. She turned her head and his warm lips were on hers instantly. His hands cupped her face and he kissed her fully on the mouth.

“Oh…” she let out a soft sigh when he let go of her.
“Tonight there will be some people who are going to recognise you. So please…” she said and he nodded, his eyes naughty.

The drive to Jenny’s apartment took forty-five minutes. She felt his eyes on her the whole time, gazing at her. Per looked at her mouth when she spoke, watched her hands how she held the wheel and her knees moving when she drove them through rush hour. She showed him around in her house; the living room, kitchen, big roof terrace, then the bathroom and finally… the bedroom. He had been silent mostly, looked around, interested and complimented the simple look of the furniture. When they were in the bedroom, she gave him a certain look and he couldn’t hold back. He grabbed her waist and pushed her onto the bed, falling on top of her. He kissed her mouth long and moved down to her neck. He opened one more button on her blouse and her breasts seemed to pop out… he kissed them. Pulled her bra away and looked at the hard nipple that was exposed. He licked it, then closed his lips around it and sucked. Jenny moaned softly.

“Per… we have to… change.”
“Oh… mhmmm. Do we really have to eat?” he growled, grinding his hips into her.
“Yes. I’m hungry.” She said and pushed him away.

She disappeared into the bathroom with a bundle of clothes and winked at him before she closed the door. Per shook his head. She was something…

Twenty minutes later. Per was checking himself in the mirror one last time. He heard Jenny’s heels click on the tiles of the living room and decided he was finished too.

He could hardly hide a moan when he saw her. She was wearing a short, read skirt. The fabric was something slick, something that followed the curves of her legs perfectly. Black stockings, high heeled boots and a black pullover completed the picture. She didn’t hear him coming out of the bedroom. She was writing something on a piece of paper which lay on the dining table. Bent forward, ass sticking out backwards. Per felt something growing inside his suit pants. He walked towards her and she turned around instantly.

“Hi! Oh you look good…” she said, smiling. She walked to him and straightened his collar. Per was wearing a black suit and a black shirt. No tie, top buttons open.
“Mmmm and you smell good too…” she mumbled. Per couldn’t speak, he just closed his eyes when she kissed his cheek.

They walked to the restaurant, which would usually take about five minutes. But with Per, it took them fifteen minutes. He halted at every nice building, looked at every expensive car (which were a lot, in that neighbourhood) and constantly made jokes at Jenny. Her belly was hurting with laughter when they reached the restaurant. He grabbed her hand shortly when they went into the restaurant.

“So what are your plans now, here?” Per asked. They were enjoying their entrée.

That was a good question. Jenny didn’t know yet. She had so many plans that she couldn’t make up her mind. The magazine she had worked for asked her to continue her column. She wanted to take up photography again. She still had some decorating to do in her house. She was talking vividly and a lot. Per watched and listened. Her hands moved while she spoke and he spotted something.

“How did this happen?” he interrupted her by taking her hand in his and watching one of her fingers which had a blue nail.
“Oh, it was when I tried to set up that closet in the living room… you know, Ikea… my finger got stuck somewhere.” She explained. Per took her finger and kissed it. She looked at him with her mouth open, suddenly very much aware of his presence again. He nipped at her finger, flicked out his tongue and licked it.

The waitress came to pick up their empty plates and Jenny quickly pulled her hand away. She didn’t look at him.

“Sorry.” Per giggled. She smiled and he felt her legs move under the table. Her knee touched his. She stretched one leg and placed it on the sofa he was sitting on – she had a chair, he a sofa which was build into the wall. Her foot inside the high heeled boot was caressing his upper leg. His hand went to her boot and he squeezed the smooth leather, then went up and tickled her knee.

“What time is it?” his voice was raw. She glanced at the clock on the other side of the room.
“Half past seven. The concert starts between nine and half past nine, so we have plenty of time.”

He sighed and caressed the inside of her knee a bit. Then she heard a sound, a cracking, rustling sound… he opened up her shoe. His fingers tickled on her foot now, up to her knee and back. He looked at her with his head a bit tilted to one side. Jenny bit her lip and poured them both some more wine. Carefully, not to disturb the sort drapes hanging from the table, she moved her foot and placed it between his legs. Her toes felt up and down his pants and she felt heat hit her. He was hard. He leaned on the table, sipping his wine with his eyes closed. She massaged him with her foot, caressed his length slowly.

The waitress brought the main course and Jenny’s foot was still between his legs. She didn’t keep still, she was still moving up and down and pressuring him. She heard his breath quicken and his eyes were darkened when he looked at her.

“Jen…” his voice was tight, he had trouble speaking. She looked at him, dared him with her eyes.

“Don’t make a mess.” He whispered. She still didn’t stop. One of his hands came down quickly and took her foot. He put it back in her boot and zipped it up. She was eating as if nothing had happened.

The fresh air did them both good. The wine had gotten to their heads over dinner but when they walked through the evening breeze to the club, they both felt better. Less light-headed.

They entered the club via a side entrance. The support act was already playing. They found a quiet spot on the side, close to the bar. Jenny went to get drinks. When she returned, she didn’t see Per. She found him standing against a big black pillar. She approached him from behind and pinched his ass, hard.

“Ow!! Witch, that hurt!” he muttered. He took his drink from her and sipped.
“What about the cosy spot I found?” he said with a sly grin.
“Dark and scary. Can you see anything from here?”
“I can see you.” he said and came closer. He pushed her against the pillar with his body and she was trapped. She couldn’t hide a moan when his hips pushed her ass against the cold stone of the pillar. His mouth found hers in the dark and God, he was hot. Lust was pouring out of him, he seemed to be on fire. He seemed to want to push her through the pillar. She wrapped a leg around him and his hand disappeared under her skirt. He moaned into her mouth when he felt the end of her stocking – she was wearing hold-ups. He cursed when he noticed the absence of panties… his fingers got wet.

The support act finished playing and left the stage. More lights went on and Per and Jenny slowly let go of each other.

“Let’s go to your place.” He breathed in her ear. They were getting closer to the stage, between more people. Per stood behind her. Jenny laughed and shook her head. No way, she wanted to see Mick Jagger and his guys!

The lights faded and the audience screamed. Jenny felt Per wrapping his arms around her from behind. The Stones took their positions in the dark, then Mick ran onto the stage and they kicked off with “Start me up”. Per and Jenny stretched their necks to see him over the crowd.

The Stones proved once more that they knew how to rock the place. Both Per and Jenny, who wasn’t really fond of them really, got lost in the music and enjoyed themselves immensely.

Mick also sang ‘Brown Sugar’. One of the songs that Jenny knew from her childhood. She swayed her hips from side to side on the music with her eyes closed. Per stood next to her and she tried to get him to dance with her but he refused. He kept watching her with a funny smile on his face. After this, Mick and Keith were left alone on the stage to play ‘Angie’ acoustic and brilliant. Per took Jenny’s hand and pulled her with him, led her back to ‘their’ pillar. It was completely dark and they didn’t see anything, just felt each other. It took them some effort and a lot of giggles to find each other’s mouths, but when he finally had her, he didn’t let go anymore.

They spent the last few songs of the concert behind the pillar…

There was a strong wind outside when they left the club. Taxis were lined up at the front door and they quickly jumped into the first one. Jenny talked to the driver a moment and then they sat silently next to each other. He took her hand, which was on her lap. When the driver talked to her again, she let go of his hand.

“He recognised you.” she said when they had gotten out of the taxi.
“He thought you were American and he said, ‘I never thought such a famous guy would go out with a Dutch girl’… so I carefully explained that we were business associates.” She said, rolling her eyes.
“And what did he say?”
“Nothing. I don’t think he bought it.” she said while opening the front door of her building. They rode upstairs in the elevator and both were silent all the time. Jenny tried not to look at him. Every time she glanced his way, she met his eyes.

They walked into the living room and Jenny walked to the dining table. She put her purse on it and then turned around. She jumped almost a meter in the air when Per was standing right behind her. Their noses almost touched.

“So, ehm, you want a drink or something?” she said with a grin. She had to squint to look into his eyes.
“So, ehm, no. I want my desert.” He said and leaned his hands on the table.
“Sit.” He said and patted on the table. Jenny pulled herself up and sat. Per crouched and took her boots off. His hands tickled her legs a bit. He hesitated, didn’t really know where to start.

Jenny got off the table and took his hand, pulling him with her to the bedroom. He walked behind her, his hands around her belly, his mouth in her neck. They barely got up the two steps to the bed, which was built a bit higher than the living room. It wasn’t really a room, there was just a curtain between.

She let go of him there and stepped away, then started to take her sweater off, and her boots, and her bra. Per’s jacket and shirt flew in a corner, then he started on his pants. Jenny crawled onto the bed in her skirt and stockings and rearranged the pillows, wiggling her ass in his direction. Per quickly joined her on the bed and grabbed her, roughly kissing her neck.

“Come here you, stay like this.” He growled and Jenny stayed with her ass in the air. Per moved behind her and she felt his hands on her ass, hitching up her skirt a bit, down to spread her thighs. He kissed her inner thighs and worked his way up.

“Mmmm…” she moaned and moved her hips.
“Stay, stay here.” He mumbled. His fingers slid up and down and in between and inside. Jenny had laid her head down on a pillow. His tongue followed his fingers.
“Per… OH!” she breathed his name and gasped when he continued tasting her, sucking on her, his fingers deep inside her.

He let go of her quite suddenly and positioned himself behind her. His hands went over her back, through her hair and back to her ass. She felt the tip of his hardness push against her and with a little wiggle of her hips, he started to slide inside. He tried to be slow but Jenny had other plans. She pushed her hips backwards into him and then forward and back again, faster and faster. Per had trouble keeping up, and then he felt how she started to shudder and moan loudly… Jenny crashed into orgasm and collapsed under him. Per sank down onto her and they rolled to their sides.

“Oh… oh I’m sorry…” Jenny said and turned around to face him. Per giggled.
“No reason to be…” he said, cuddling against her. He gave her a fast, wet kiss, biting her lower lip. His mouth lowered to her breasts and he licked her nipples. Her skin was warm and damp, and a bit slippery. He kissed down to her belly, licking around her belly button. His head disappeared between her legs again.

“Per, I… ohhh… mmm…” she wanted to stop him but then he was pushing his tongue inside her and she forgot what she wanted to say. She was still half tingling from her orgasm and now he was already working her to the next one… this was too much…

“Mmm! Oh! Per… s-stop…” she panted. He looked up at her.
“Stop?” he said, kissing her thigh.
“I… I can’t… stand it.” She stared at him with hazed eyes. Per grinned and crawled on top of her.
“What do you want then, mhm?”
“I want… you to, uhm…” she had to think about it for a moment.
“Say it.” He whispered hoarsely into her ear.
“I want you inside me.” She whispered back.
“Do you?”
“Yes, yes, come on…” she said and moved her hips up in anticipation.

She felt Per’s whole body tense when he slipped inside her. She was so wet, he was just swimming into her. He held her hips with his hands as if he wanted to keep her in place, while he rhythmically slid in and out of her. She squirmed under him, felt already that she was going to come again.

“Faster, please, I’m gonna… oh…” she mumbled in his ear, her hands ruffling his hair.
“Come babe, come for me… show me…” he said to her, his lips on hers. She lifted her hips and held her breath, and pleasantly tumbled over again, this time taking him with her.

In the morning
Per came into the kitchen with a wet towel around his waist. His chest was still a bit damp from his shower. Jenny was pouring two cups of coffee. She was wearing a big, white t-shirt and white panties. Per grabbed her from behind and pulled her into a hug, kissing her neck, tickling her with his unshaven cheeks. His hands slipped under the shirt.

“Hello! Are you clean now?” Jenny asked. Her hair was still wet from her shower. His freshly washed body against her felt nice. A bit too nice maybe.
“Yes. Very. Wanna inspect?” he said to her, nibbling her ear.
“Haha… yes let me see…” she said and turned around in his arms. Her hands caressed his chest and she lay her cheek on it, sniffing.
“Mhm. You passed.” she said softly, hugging him with both arms wrapped around his waist.

Per looked down at her, how she hugged him with her eyes closed, her soft body pressed to his. She was just the sweetest thing… and he wondered, oh he wondered so many things…

“Sometimes I don’t understand…” he mumbled. She looked up. “…what you want with me. I mean… I am…”
She looked at him with big eyes, biting her lip, waiting for what he was going to say.
“I’m just an old guy.” he said, smiling shyly. Jenny rolled her eyes.
“Yes. You are just and old guy and I am seeing you out of pity. Ok?” she said it so seriously that he believed her for a moment.
“Oh please… stop thinking like this. You know I… I have a thing for you.” she added when she saw the look on his face.

He sat down on a chair in the kitchen and pulled her on his lap.
“Jen. I am turning fifty soon.” he said, snuggling her neck.
“So. That’s old.” he said. He looked at how her fingers drew circles over his chest. Then she kissed him, softly.
“You are old. And sexy. And attractive. And I can’t keep my hands off you.” she said with a giggle, kissing him after each sentence. And I love you… she said in her mind.

She stood up and handed him his coffee. She leaned against the kitchen and looked at him with a naughty smile.

“Older men have a big advantage you know. They are more experienced in… some things.” she said. Per grinned, sipping his coffee.
“Things? Such as?”
“Mmmmm… such as, uhm… hehe…” she stumbled a bit, blushing. Per got up from his chair and kneeled before her. He rubbed up and down her legs, up to her hips and lifted her shirt a bit. He kissed her belly. She smelled of soap, the same soap as he just used in the shower. His fingers touched her through the panties.

“Well, you have a lot of money, that’s one.” she finished her coffee and put the cup down.
“You have a lot of money too.” he said, kissing her thighs.

“Hey, do you still wanna go shopping or what?” she said after a moment of silence. Per stopped caressing her and looked up. She looked a little disturbed. He came up and kissed her forehead.

“Yep. Let’s go.” he said. He felt strangely aware of the fact that a perfect moment was interrupted by reality. He had other plans than shopping, actually, but the troubled look on her face made him stop.

Jenny took him to the best shops in Amsterdam and then they went out for lunch somewhere. She got a phone call during lunch which gave Per a moment to look at her and let his thoughts fly. She intrigued him, now more than ever. He had been fascinated by her before, by her presence and her personality. Like when they had to work together in Rotterdam, he had been very impressed with her professionalism. Before that, he’d always seen her as ‘that girl in Malmö’. A girl, not a grown up woman who took care of herself. Who lived her life the way she wanted. Who had fallen for him. Who was his secret mistress. Right?

“Well, we should pick up your suitcase and head for the airport when we’re done here.” she said when she was finished on the phone. He nodded and finished his coffee. He stroked her hand with one finger.
“I think I miss you already.” he said softly. She looked up at him and put her finger on her lips – shush…

She walked with him to the check in. He was late and the plane was waiting for the last few people to board.

“Well, uhm, goodbye.” he stumbled and pulled her to him for a quick hug.
“Take care you.” she whispered, then let go of him. He took her face in his hands and looked at her.
“I… I… you mean a lot to me.” he stuttered. There was something he desperately wanted her to know but he didn’t know how. She nodded. He saw she was fighting tears, he just knew it. This gave him the last push he needed. He kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear; “I love you.”

He left her standing there with her mouth open. She stood there for at least ten minutes, until he had already passed the check in and was rushing through the boarding desk.

*are you crazy?*

Per was unpacking his suitcase when his mobile announced Jenny’s sms. He read it and bit his lip with a grin. Yes, he was crazy.

When he dropped his clothes in the laundry basket, his eye fell on something pink. As far as he knew, he didn’t have anything pink with him. He reached down the laundry basket and picket up a small top. It was Jenny’s and he remembered she had been wearing it in bed. He could still see her lying beside him, sound asleep.

He went back to the bedroom and sat down on the side of the bed. He called her. the phone rang once, twice, and then she hung up.

*i don’t know what to say* she sent.

*don’t be shy, it’s only me ;)* he replied. He waited a moment, then called her again. This time, she picked up instantly.

“Hi.” She said softly.
“Hey you. What are you doing?”
“Uhm, I’m reading.”
“Did you notice anything missing in your house?” he asked with a grin. She was silent for a moment.
“You?” she said hesitantly. Per’s grin got wider.
“Something else. It’s pink.”
“Pink? My top?”
“Yep. It sneaked into my suitcase.”
“Oh! Really! Oh hehe… you didn’t get in trouble I hope?”
“No, no they are at her parents. I am alone.”
“Ok. And you have my pink top.”
“Haha! You should throw it away before your wife finds it.” Jenny said. She heard his chuckle, but then he was silent. They heard each other’s breath.


They started at the same time.

“Hehe, sorry. Go ahead.” Per said.
“No, you were first.”
“Ehm, ok. I wanted to say, that I meant it. What I said to you at the airport.”
“Per, I… ehm… I was shocked. But, you know, I don’t think you should, uhm, take this so… seriously.” Jenny stuttered. Per felt his heart starting to race a bit and he sank deeper into the mattress.
“What? I am in love with you.” he said. It sounded a bit silly to say out loud, but he meant what he said. He heard her take a deep breath.
“Do you remember when I told you to never take your mistresses out for dinner?”
“That was after we met in Brussels. This time, I was out of line a bit. We shouldn’t have met like this.”
“Jenny, listen, I don’t know what you’re talking about, I…” he said, laughing.
“No Per, you listen to me. This is just a phase, a crush. It will pass.” She said, trying very hard to sound angry.

He didn’t say anything.

“Or were you seriously planning to leave your wife? And your son? And come here and live with me, happily ever after? Mhm?”

He still didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry. I… it’s better if we keep quiet for a while. Bye.”
“But Jen…”
“We can’t be a couple Per. Please just let it rest.” She said and hung up. Per stared at his phone. This was not the way it was supposed to go. He threw the phone to the other side of the room, and the top too. Then he stomped out and went to the studio upstairs.

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